


you know you messed up, boy.

by jjongcuddles



Series: my hand you let go of [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Cheating, Hurt No Comfort, Kang Yeosang-centric, M/M, Memories, Past Relationship(s), Underage Drinking, inspired by "X" by Chungha, kinda OOC, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjongcuddles/pseuds/jjongcuddles
Summary: “If you got something to say, Jongho. I suggest you do it if it’s got you troubled.” Yeosang looked at him, smiling softly. He stared into his lover’s doe eyes and saw the stars in them. Although, he wasn’t quite sure if it was the reflection of the starry sky or if it was the stars in Jongho’s eyes.orone wherein Yeosang regrets.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Series: my hand you let go of [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2132397
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	you know you messed up, boy.

**Author's Note:**

> before this starts, i recommend listening to "x" by chungha while reading this. i got really hooked to this song so much to the point that i had to write a story ;_;
> 
> disclaimer: kinda ooc (or really ooc) yeosang, i apologize in advance ;_;

"Good work today, everyone!" 

The quiet office resonated with half-hearted cheers and groans as the 7 men who were left in the room stretched their aching backs in their uncomfortable office chairs. 23-year-old office worker Kang Yeosang laughed at his colleagues' demise before standing up himself to do extra stretches. 

"Ya Kang Yeosang! You have the nerve to laugh." his co-worker, Choi San, scoffed at his antics. 

Yeosang stuck his tongue out at San, not minding office etiquettes as they were all getting out of work anyways. 

"Anyone up for some dinner? I know this good diner near here." Kim Hongjoong, their team leader and the reason they're overworking, piped in. Their precious team leader insisted on arranging a group meeting as they had very little tasks to complete for their new project anyways. 

Clearly, Hongjoong underestimated the amount of tasks they had yet to complete. Thus, the ATEEZ Holdings group took until 11:37 in the night to finish their project. 

Jung Wooyoung, Yeosang's first friend in the office, cackled throughout the peaceful room. "Of course if anyone knows a good diner open in ungodly hours, it would be you, hyung" he said. He was right, out of all of them, Hongjoong was always the one staying behind even after office hours were over. 

"Don't annoy him, Woo. He's gonna be the one paying for our meals, after all" their manager, Park Seonghwa, chided beside him. Seonghwa decided to stay back for the night since he wanted to make sure his roommate, Hongjoong, came home safely. Also so that he also does some of next week's work while waiting for said man, instead of waiting for him to be able to lock the doors. 

Jeong Yunho, Yeosang's college friend, perked up from his cubicle, "Oh, Hongjoong-hyung's paying? Assa!" he whooped at the offer of being able to save money. 

Yeosang shook his head at the sight of the big puppy celebrating, he didn't even know why Yunho bothered on celebrating when said man has a fucking black card. Yunho was always the one sponsoring the frat parties with all the expensive alcohol.

Song Mingi, Yeosang's roommate, pouted beside him. "Then, I guess it will be Yunho paying for the drinks tonight.'' he drawled from his exhaustion. 

Everyone cheered, except for Yunho, who sat frozen in bewilderment. 

As soon as they stepped out of the company building, Wooyoung shrieked as he felt the cold winter air hit his cheeks. Yeosang sighed, air puffing out and breath condensing into white fog, and took a look around his surroundings. 

It was a cold Friday night in the winter, and the time was currently 11:46 in the evening. Streets long hollow and empty with the exemption of a few select cars here and there; and trees with leaves either dead or shed, covered in a thin layer of snow that was signifying the start of snowfall. 

"Wow, I can't believe it started snowing and I've only just noticed now." Mingi gaped beside Seonghwa, who was busy taking pictures of the snow. 

Hongjoong smiled softly and looked over to his team, "Come on, the diner's only 5 minutes away from here. You can leave your cars here, it's only a while." he coaxed and everyone relented, eager for food. 

As they were nearing the homey-looking diner, Yunho sprinted to Hongjoong. "Hyung! Hyung! Is there a tv in the diner?" the tallest asked. 

Hongjoong nodded, confused at the sudden outburst. "Yeah, why?" 

Yunho just grinned and went back to his phone. Wooyoung pushed past Seonghwa and San, the two that were talking about the plans, to the tall-small duo and asked, "Hyung what channel are they usually playing?"

"KBS2, I think. I always see Yu Huiyeol's Sketchbook on, whenever I'm there." 

Yeosang usually didn't catch up with music, something he had given up on after what had happened. 'He used to love music, I wonder how he is now?' he thought. 

Wooyoung grinned at Yunho and cheered, "Yes! We'll be able to catch up with Jongho's appearance." he babbled. 

Yeosang froze as he heard that name, Jongho? It's not too common now, is it? His mind flashed back to sleepless summer nights and unfixable autumn fights. 

_"Fuck off, don't touch me!"_

_"Please, let me explain-" he tried to reach out a hand but was ultimately slapped away._

_"What's there to explain?" bitter laughs, thrown plastic cups of coffee. Yeosang wonders, how did it get to this?_

_"You know you messed up, hyung."_

_Yeosang stood in the middle of the street, staring at the young boy's back as he walked away._

_"I'm sorry."_

Mingi paused at his walking when he felt cold air at his left side, as opposed to when Yeosang was walking beside him. He turned around and saw Yeosang standing there like he just saw a ghost. "Sangie, what's wrong?" he asked, concerned. 

His friend quickly snapped out of his frozen state and shook his head, a soft smile etched onto his face, as if he was reminiscing about something. "It's nothing, Min. Let's go, I'm hungry." Yeosang said and put his arm around Mingi's shoulder, pulling them both close to each other and sharing warmth. 

Warm air hit their faces as they entered the cozy depths of the diner. That's weird, Yeosang feels like he knows this place. 

A warm welcome was also given to them, "Hongjoong dear! Not alone tonight?" an old aunt asked them as they looked for a table. 

Then it hit him, this was _their_ place. Yeosang gaped at the auntie who was welcoming them, a memory flashed back to him. 

_"Good afternoon, Auntie! Table for two please." the younger requested once they entered the premises._

" _Of course, child! I have a spot perfect for you, right in front of the TV." Auntie flashed her warm smile at them._

_"Thank you, Auntie. For giving us the best spot." Yeosang thanked her._

_"Just don't forget to invite me at your wedding!"_

"Yes, Auntie! We just finished work, do you have a table for 7?" Hongjoong asked the kind aunt. Yeosang's heart warmed as he saw his leader interact with her. 

"Lucky for you, we just rearranged a few days ago. Here, a spot right in front of the TV." Auntie smiled at them, not spotting Yeosang just yet. 

A chorus of "Thank you, Auntie!"s resounded around them and Yeosang uttered the final one. 

"Thank you, Auntie. For giving us the best spot." Yeosang spoke with his deep voice, a huge difference in pitch from all the times he had done before. 

He saw the aunt freeze in her tracks just as they were preparing to move to their assigned table. 

They all paused at the sight, "Who spoke just now? The one with the deep voice." she inquired, looking amongst the crowd of men. 

She finally saw Yeosang, who was standing behind Seonghwa who was towering over him.

"Yeosangie! It's been so long, how's life?" she asked. Yeosang felt at home for a second, seeming to remember every sweet memory he had in this small diner. 

"I've been doing well, Auntie. I hope life's been good to you." he said whole-heartedly, feeling weird. This night seems to be a trip down the memory lane for him, he concluded. 

And oh boy, how correct was he… 

She chuckled at him, "It has, now go to your table so I can get your order." 

They all ushered to the big table and sat down. Everyone sighed in satisfaction as they all rested their tired legs from walking. 

"I didn't know you used to go to this place, Yeosang." Hongjoong said, skimming through the menu. 

"I didn't realise it either until I saw Auntie, it feels like home." Yeosang quipped as he looked over San's shoulder for the menu. He chuckled a little, they still had his favorite. 

"Everyone ready to order?" 

"Yes, ma'am! 

As Yeosang prepared to say his order, Auntie beat him to it. “Yeosang-ah, the usual?” she asked.

Yeosang was shocked, even until now, she remembered the order? 

Her eyes glinted, “You look shocked, of course I remember! Jjajangmyeon with 2 seasoned chicken legs to the side and a bowl of beef bibimbap with some bulgogi on the side, right?”

“A-ah, the bibimbap order was actually…” he trailed, contemplating whether to mention it. 

_"Ready to order?"_

_"Yes, please!"_

_"Ah, why did I even ask? It's gonna be the usual, isn't it?"_

_A giggle, "You got that right, Auntie. A bowl of beef bibimbap with bulgogi to the side for me, please!"_

_"And jjajangmyeon with two seasoned chicken legs for me, thank you" his eyes twinkled with innocence._

“Ah, nevermind. Just give me the jjajangmyeon and chicken order please, thank you!” she hummed and listed it down. 

Once she left for the kitchens, the group stared at him, seeming to wait for him to reveal something. “So…” Wooyoung started.

“...” Yeosang raised his cleanly shaped eyebrow, waiting for them to elaborate.

“Whose order was the bibimbap, hm?” Wooyoung continued, tone teasing. The rest ‘ooh’-ed at the question and gazed at him with the same mischievous glint.

Yunho whistled, “Did you used to bring someone else here? You seem like a regular here.” he added.

Flustered, the man in question slowly turned red, ‘More like he was the one who brought me here.’ he thought. 

_“Here, again?” Yeosang stared at the younger as they arrived at the diner._

_The younger boy laughed at his hyung’s complaint, “Oh come on! It’s cheap here, the food is great, plus,” he paused, pointing his index finger up as if making a point, “There’s the TV playing.” he added on._

_Yeosang sighed, “Okay, fine. I agree, the food’s great here anyways.”_

_“Now let’s enter! I see Auntie by the counter.”_

The table bombarded him with questions upon that thought, “He, an old ‘friend’ perhaps?” San chastised him, doing imaginary quotation marks at the word ‘friend’ and winking after.

The interrogated man almost cursed, ‘I said it out loud?’, he opened his mouth to speak when Wooyoung and Yunho yelled at them.

“Shush! Jongho’s performing his new song.” Wooyoung screeched at them, the whole table snapped their heads at the television. 

Sure enough, he heard that unmistakable honey voice he had been wanting to hear again for years. 

_Jongho._

**_"From somewhere you'd be watching me,_ **

**_Unkept promises all forgotten."_ **

_Yeosang sat beside Jongho on the rooftop, not seeming to mind anything. It was a comfortable silence, one that would assure you that everything was right in the world and that all of your problems will eventually be gone._

_It was a nice summer night, the skies were clear and the stars were out. Yeosang gazed at the stars and thought to himself, 'I wish this moment lasts forever.' Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the younger glance at him then bite his lips nervously, as if he was contemplating something._

_“If you got something to say, Jongho. I suggest you do it if it’s got you troubled.” Yeosang looked at him, smiling softly. He stared into his lover’s doe eyes and saw the stars in them. Although, he wasn’t quite sure if it was the reflection of the starry sky or if it was the stars in Jongho’s eyes._

_Jongho startled out of his thoughts, and stared at his hyung. “A-ah… It’s nothing, hyung.”_

_“Really? Then if you say so…” Yeosang replied, unbelieving._

_Once they went back into silence, it was only in a matter of seconds when Jongho sighed heavily. “Hyung,” he started, expression determined. “If I ever leave, would you wait for me?” the younger inquired. His tone was serious, Yeosang didn’t like where this conversation was threatening to go._

_After a moment of tense silence that followed,_

_“Yes.” he answered. “But why are you asking me this?” the older asked back._

_His boyfriend turned away from his gaze, avoiding it. He let out a chuckle, “My parents told me they were gonna send me to Australia to study.” he revealed, looking back at Yeosang who was rooted in his current position._

_The older tilted his head down and closed his eyes, Jongho watching his every action, searching for any emotion._

_Yeosang loved him, he really did, but one thing he didn’t believe in was long distance relationships. He believed that all this was gonna bring to him was mutual pain and longing._

_And boy, how he was right._

_Jongho already had enough of the quiet, comforting whispers the chilly night air gave him. Voice trembling, he spoke. “Hyung?” his voice almost cracked, his eyes were watering._

_“Please answer me.” he pleaded._

_Yeosang took a sharp inhale and opened his eyes to gaze into Jongho’s eyes. “What did you say to them?” he said._

_Jongho gulped, not expecting that question. “I said I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to leave you here...” he trailed off._

_“But?”_

_“But,” a tear slid, Yeosang went to wipe it away quickly. “I knew that the decision was already final.”_

_His hands tensed on the younger’s cupped face. Sensing it, Jongho held the hand with both his hands and massaged it as a way of comfort. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t believe in long distance relationships. You can break it off now if you-” he rambled._

_“I won’t” Yeosang interrupted firmly._

_“-want... What?” By now, more tears fell from the younger’s doe eyes as he tried to speak calmly but even then, he had started to sob. “W-what do you mean, hyung?”_

_“I promise I will wait for you,” Yeosang explained, heart constricting at the mention of a promise._

_“But hyung, you hate promises too.”_

_He did, he loathed promises with a passion. It reminded him of times his trust had been broken as a promise he had made was also broken._

_Yeosang chuckled, “I guess this is what love does.” making you do things you never thought you would do._

_His lover stared into his eyes, his tears reflecting the moonlight, sparkling._

**_“You gotta love me at my worst_ **

**_If you want me at my best and you had it all_ **

**_I gave my all to you”_ **

_Yeosang giggled as he drunkenly stumbled into this house at 4am, coming home from a party. His parents were out for a business trip so he didn't have to worry about making a loud mess in his house. His legs wobbled as he tried to reach the sofa all alone, his friends driving away after getting him home safely. The drunk boy sighed in relief as his back hit the stiff leather couch. Not caring to put his shoes off, he put his legs over the edge, sleep taking him to dreamland._

_He woke up with a pounding headache at 1pm, sleeping the whole morning away. Checking his phone, he saw that he had 14 text messages, all from Jongho._

* * *

**JJONGIE <3**

**10:24pm**

_hyung_

_help me_

_i'm tired_

**11:48pm**

_hyung?_

_ah... nevermind_

_you must be sleeping by now_

_but knowing you, you won't._

_you must be tired too, huh?_

_okay, i won't bother you for now._

_rest well <3_

**8:17am**

_good morning! i hope you rested well :3_

**9:21am**

_oh, still no reply?_

_you must have been drained._

_call me when you wake up <3_

* * *

**Calling...**

**JJONGIE <3**

**00:01**

_"Hey hyung,"_

_"I'm so sorry Jjong, I didn't see your messages I was-"_

_"It's fine, I know you were probably drained. School is tiring, I understand" Jongho giggled over the line, comforting him._

_Yeosang contemplated if he were to tell Jongho what really happened, he decided not to. "What did you want to talk about, babe?" he asked instead, remembering the flood of messages from last night._

_"Ah... that. It's nothing, hyung. I overreacted." the younger told him, shaking the topic off._

_"Are you sure?" Yeosang asked. Once he received a hum of affirmation, he then said "Well if you say so then..." he trailed off._ _He heard a background noise from Jongho's side, talking to him in English. Straining to hear, he heard Jongho responding to the other speaker._

_"I have to go. They need me for the project we were doing." Yeosang swore he could hear Jongho's pout through that statement, he laughed, his boyfriend was too cute._

_"Alright, don't pout. Talk to you later!"_

_"Oh, and hyung?" the younger called to him, seeming to have forgotten something. " Please tell me if you're tired of this relationship."_

_"I won't be."_

**_“This position didn’t shape me_ **

**_No flowers on the path I've taken_ **

**_My hand you let go of_ **

**_(You know you messed up, boy)”_ **

_Yeosang sat in a cafe across a girl he had been seeing for a month now, feeling forced to, he really can’t say no._

_The girl giggled at a joke he made, reaching out to hold his hand. He uncomfortably laughed along, wanting to get out of this forced relationship. He felt his phone vibrate, but chose to ignore it as he didn’t want to seem rude to his date._

_“Jina, I have to go to the toilet real quick. Excuse me.” he quickly came up with an excuse to see what his phone had been vibrating about._

_“Okay! Be back quick.” She said with her pitchy voice and reached over to give him a peck in the cheek._

_Once he reached the stalls, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the notifications. Most of it were texts from Jongho, he sent Yeosang a picture of him with blonde hair. Yeosang felt captivated by the young boy, suddenly longing to see him._

* * *

**JJONGIE <3**

**8:54am**

_it’s been days since i did it, i just forgot to tell you. i bleached my hair!_

**9:01am**

_you know hyung, i’ve told you before._

_just tell me if you want this relationship to be over._

**9:17am**

_hyung._

_i want to end this._

* * *

_Feeling alarmed by the younger’s messages, he quickly responded. Fingers gliding across the small screen, he nervously bit his lip as he asked for an explanation._

* * *

_what do you mean, babe?_

* * *

_Yeosang’s heart was pounding as he waited for Jongho’s response. Why did he suddenly want to end their relationship? Was he not happy anymore? His phone vibrated, “I think it’s better if you come out of the washroom.” he read the text aloud. Yeosang was confused, how did he know he was in the washroom?_

_Wait._

_He looked back at the picture, he closely inspected the photo and saw that Jongho had unshed tears in his eyes. His location looked like a cafe, yet it looked so familiar that Yeosang couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He looked at the background and saw..._

_Himself?_

_Yeosang ran out of the washroom, stumbling and looked for a sign of blonde hair. He saw a waiter come up to a sobbing boy, “Sir, are you okay?” the waiter asked the customer._

_“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” He heard the customer’s soft voice and froze, that was familiar. He stared at the boy’s back intensely and as if the boy felt it, he turned around. As soon as the boy saw him, the said boy grabbed his things and left the cafe in a hurry._

_Yeosang’s heart stopped beating, dread filling him. He felt his heart pound against his chest, wanting to get out and chase for the younger. Snapping out of his daze, he ran after Jongho and yelled for him. “Jongho! Let me explain.” he grabbed the blonde’s wrist and turned him around, not minding the stares they were getting._

_He saw a cup of half-drank iced americano get thrown. He flinched and blinked his eyes, waiting for the cold to engulf him._

_It didn’t come._

_Slowly opening his eyes, Jongho gazed at him with hurt eyes. “I knew, hyung.” he started, “I always knew, I just didn’t want to believe it. But now that I saw it with my own two eyes…” the younger trailed off, not wanting to say anymore._

_He smiled brokenly, tears running down his face. Yeosang wanted to wipe those tears away, and so he tried._

_"Fuck off, don't touch me!"_

_"Please, let me explain-" he tried to reach out a hand but was ultimately slapped away._

_"What's there to explain?" bitter laughs, thrown plastic cups of coffee. Yeosang wonders, how did it get to this?_

_"You know you messed up, hyung."_

_Yeosang stood in the middle of the street, staring at the young boy's back as he walked away._

_"I'm sorry." he uttered as the cold whispers of the autumn air drowned it out, rendering the words unheard._

**_“You should’ve loved me at my worst_ **

**_Now you just watch me on your TV screen_ ** **_”_ **

He got snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Wooyoung’s wailing. “Ah shit! I’m crying, I’m gonna kill the person who broke Jongho’s heart.” he sobbed into Yunho’s arms, who was also crying. Yeosang looked around and saw that everyone was crying in some type of way.

Hongjoong was downing soju in an empty stomach, trying to muffle his sobs with it.

Seonghwa had a conflicted expression on his face, he wanted to comfort everyone yet he himself was also crying. “What should I do? Ah, Wooyoungie don’t cry.”

Yunho had tears running down his face, needing to hold it together to be a pillar for Wooyoung who was wailing in his arms.

San looked unbothered, but in reality he had a tear streak on his face, already drying.

Mingi, who was observing him all along, nodded at him with knowing eyes. “Let’s talk about this on the way home.”

Yeosang bitterly laughed into his cup of water, “Kill me then, Wooyoung.” he muttered. He would do anything to make Jongho smile again, but seeing him smile freely now makes him think…

Hongjoong gulped his ice water in order to balance out the alcohol in his system, “He’s blossomed into the person that he is because of that person. I’m glad he let them go, I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a dishonest relationship.” 

Yeah, maybe he did do a part in that. But Yeosang believed Jongho became today’s Jongho because of his will to do things and the hard work he put into it. _  
_

Trekking down the snowy path, Mingi and Yeosang walked beside each other.

“You regret everything, don’t you?” Mingi spoke into the quiet space. He had always been on the more observant side of things in their friend group.

“Yeah…” with that answer, Mingi nodded and exhaled through his mouth. “If you were me, Mingi, what would you do in this situation?”

His friend laughed at the question, “What do you mean? Watching your ex on national television, all successful and glowy after you tore him to pieces, singing a song that was made for you?” he asked.

Yeosang took the hit, “Exactly.” he answered, not knowing if his friend was attacking him or anything.

“If you truly regret and would like to explain everything, I suggest going full out on trying to contact him. To get that closure you both need.” Mingi advised, nonchalantly.

“But I bet he’s in-demand right now! It won’t be easy.” Yeosang looked down at his boots, regretting asking Mingi.

Mingi laughed at him, eyes crinkling. “I never said it would be easy, Yeo.” he said with a fair look on his face.

“You put him through a hard time. If you want to get that closure, you too should go through a hard time closing that gap you made.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you have any feelings to let out, the comment section is available :DDDD i would love to hear your feedback!


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